Those days

I'm thinking of killing my online identity...
I don't really know if I like the fact that I have a blog that everyone can see or not. And maybe I'm getting too involved in online things, where I really should be worrying more about actual things in life that will make more of a difference.
Maybe that's just how I feel today?

So conflicted.

I seriously can't decide if I am for or against big government. I mean on one had I like the idea of the government making things "fair" for people. Or at least trying to. But on the other hand, what if it starts to turn into something like the Borg? I mean everyone with one mind, is that a good thing? I mean, sadly enough I just have this weird feeling/thought/dream that if things keep progressing on the way they are the world and mankind will be a crazy big Borg collective.
How do we keep away from that, and is it even a good thing to keep away from?

And then there's the advantages of a small government. Because I really don't like people telling me what to do. Plus there's the part of me, likely it comes from being raised in a capitalist society, that thinks life isn't fair and you have to make it on your own.
Plus it's known that people are much more thankful and gracious of things that they have earned.

levels of concentration are at the lowest they could be right now, fun times indeed

I don't even know what I'm thinking, my mind is just going off on random tangents every five seconds.

I feel really odd right now. Maybe it's because I'm having a weird day? I don't really know. I just do know that I'm way more tired than I should be. I shouldn't be writing this at work, yikes! And my level of productivity at work is low /:

I wonder what's wrong with me. Maybe I have ADHD or something like that? Maybe I'm just wishing that I have some sort of problem so that I can blame it on that and not the fact that I'm very undisciplined...

Yeah that's probably it. I'm just a lazy bastard. 

And now I should get back to work.

fjkdls;akjfds;la;lkjdsafdsjak;lfdsaf;lkdsafdsajklfdsalkfdsalkfdsalkjfsajfafafdsajflkdsja;lkfndsssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss

I feel better now.

Beautiful Faces (4)

Taylor Swift

There is no title...

So last weekend I was at my parents house, just hanging out with the family while Glenn Beck was on. Which is funny that Glenn Beck is always on when I'm over there. I'm not sure if my mom a) just watches Glenn Beck on the weekends; b) she does this because she knows it would annoy me and she's being passive aggressive; or c) Glenn Beck is just always on at my parents house. Or it could just be a coincidence. But it's been like every time I've been over there in the last two months sooo....
Now how does that relate to what I was going to say/write/type...oh it doesn't, too bad.


Anyhow, what I was originally going to write/say/type/dictate/mentally input into the computer:


It burns when I pee.

Another addition to the Holy Scriptures?

Yes, this book does exist. Did I buy it because I can't wait to go to my parents house on Sunday and freak them out with a book all about one-night-stands that looks like a Bible? Maybe. But it was more the fact that it looks exactly like a Bible. I mean red-endsheets-and-a-red-ribbon-bookmark status.
Hilarious! And it made me laugh when I first saw it.
Which was awkward while I was at Barnes and Noble last night, because I was laughing so freaking hard. People were staring. Oh well.


I'm only thinking about showing up Sunday to freak my parents (read mom) out. The thought is funny, but if it did happen I think my mom would kill me. Or just laugh. Depends on the weather really...

The darker days for twitter

Apparently it is okay to tweet executions now.
So now there is a whole world of things that are tweet worthy now.
Things that are now okay to tweet:
Your morning routine as it plays out
The length, width, and girth of your stool (and I ain't talking about no barstool)
Every base you get to, in real time
When you hit a red light
How much of a jerk the cop that just pulled you over is
What you are doing in five minute intervals
The list goes on and on and on and on

Oh twitter.

Avatar: The Last Airbender

I'm praying to whatever deity(s) will listen that the live-action adaptation of the Last Airbender does not suck.
Please M Night, make it good!!!

Vague goals

• Level up my vehicular transportation
• Reconsider going around at 2 am to relieve people from this existence, wait until 4...
• See that one movie...How to Drain your Wagon, or something like that...
• Wait around with a bunch of people I don't know
• Think about putting limits up
• Write more, less shitty, and interesting stuff
• Nah, forget the limits!
• Invest in a metallic instrument of death powered by small explosions
• Gain knowledge in the ways of the written word

Beautiful Faces (3)

Jewel Staite

Oh the places I'm at

People have told me, it really doesn't matter. I believe them. Because it would be too easy if it all mattered, if you just had a grand plan. Just stick to the plan, follow it. Don't stray from your plan.

That just sounds too easy to me. Be this person, be that person. Believe this, believe that.

I don't particularly like the idea of being a robot in thought.

Sure I'd totally go crazy if I had a robot's body! How much trouble could you get into with that...

But not the thoughts of a robot, do this, do that, go here, go there.

Not my cup of tea.

Which makes sense, really it does. I think.

Maybe...

Not likely though. I'm willing to bet it only makes sense to me. Which is sobering to me. At least I can see that I don't always make sense. And that life just sometimes sucks.

It makes me sad when people put this massive emphasis on things unseen and unprovable. But I understand it.

I'm glad that life has been getting more interesting lately. I defiantly have to keep on my toes (Yes I know that's not how you spell definitely).

So a random list of the things that have been going on that are keeping me on my toes?

People - good old people always keeping me nice and surprised with things they say/do/etc. Let's give it up for people!

*wild cheering*

Work - that thing that keeps you paying rent every month. Good thing that it is totally worth the amount of life that I've given up to it (:

And that's a wrap!!

Pretty much there's not much more to life that people and work. right?

This breaks my heart

After reading this story, I have come to realize that I'm not broken. I just have an issue with feeling emotion. But only when I know the people. If I don't know them, the emotion floods.

It's always nice to know I'm not broken XD

So I was at a friend's party last night and I saw something I should have caught on film.
A guy with a stormtrooper tattooed on his left calf.
F***ing awesome!!!
Gotta love fellow Star Wars geeks!

A letter

Dear Emotional Adam,

Don't let a tiny evolutionary f***up get in your way of work, school, and the rest of life. Seriously it will turn out alright, you've been through this time and again. You've always been fine.
I believe in you.

* cleansing sigh*

Now don't you feel better? I know I do.

Love,
The Rational Adam

Ode to family

I love my family

They are the best

During the good

better

and the rest

Everything I go through

they always provide love and care

without them, I am nothing

Sometimes I wake up and it just feels like the essence of my being hurts. And then I burp.

Have you ever had that happen?

Beautiful Faces (2)

Summer Glau

Something that I've never/will never understand

is how/why the fax machine didn't die with the advent of email.

Compliments

It's interesting how often I think something like this, "That person is wearing a really cool shirt/skirt/dress/pants/etc." And never tell the person.
While I tend to lean to the shy side, I usually don't care that much what some random stranger off the street thinks of me. So why don't I compliment people more often?
Because I suck? Maybe.

Or is it because compliments don't really...apply to me? I don't even know what I'm saying, ignore that whole last line.

Where was I? Oh yeah, maybe it is because I suck...
I mean I already have thought, "Oh I like that shirt!" How far is it from my inner-monologue to my mouth?
*shrugs*

Maybe I'll never know?! But at least I can try to make more compliments because it really can light up someone's day.

Awesome, what is that?

The joys of having something that works right the first time you do it!

Today I was reading a friend's blog (go check it out). I had enjoyed a post a LOT so I wanted to let her know, yet I was feeling too lazy to add a comment (which I ended up doing anyway).
And then I realized, that is the reason that FB (facebook for the uninitiated) has those "like" buttons. Because people are lazy and don't want to type. Or they are on a mobile phone. So I though, ehhh, I better get one of them buttons! Yeah, shheee!!
And so I did! Check it out!
HT http://www.bloggerplugins.org/2010/04/facebook-like-button-for-blogger.html

Internet memes

Of all the internet memes that there have been, I'd have to say that HT (hat tip) is my favorite.

Times and places

here and there

near and far

are only unique

if you let them be

-

Stress is a killer

one that has it out for me

Perhaps it's my role

to be stress' victim

So I wait and I wonder

what is the key

Cigarettes?

Whiskey?

no

no!

The answer I seek

must be found

for without it

this life will hardly be

Hello, my name is Adam.

"Hi Adam!"

I just wanted to say, I have a problem.

"Gasp!"

I have a problem waking up in the morning. Normally it's all good and no big deal. But then there are those times, you know those times, where you just can't do it.
The bed is too comfortable and you're just too tired to even get out of it.

I know, I have a problem.

"Admitting it is the first step!"

The Faith of our Founding Fathers - Thomas Jefferson

Of all the Founding Fathers, Thomas Jefferson is the most interesting to read.

A letter Bishop James Madison:

I have lately by accident got a sight of a single volume (the 3d.) of the Abbe Barruel’s Antisocial conspiracy, which gives me the first idea I have ever had of what is meant by the Illuminatism against which “illuminate Morse” as he is now called, & his ecclesiastical & monarchical associates have been making such a hue and cry. Barruel’s own parts of the book are perfectly the ravings of a Bedlamite. But he quotes largely from Wishaupt whom he considers as the founder of what he calls the order. As you may not have had an opportunity of forming a judgment of this cry of “mad dog” which has been raised against his doctrines, I will give you the idea I have formed from only an hour’s reading of Barruel’s quotations from him, which you may be sure are not the most favorable. Wishaupt seems to be an enthusiastic Philanthropist. He is among those (as you know the excellent Price and Priestley also are) who believe in the indefinite perfectibility of man. He thinks he may in time be rendered so perfect that he will be able to govern himself in every circumstance so as to injure none, to do all the good he can, to leave government no occasion to exercise their powers over him, & of course to render political government useless. This you know is Godwin’s doctrine, and this is what Robinson, Barruel & Morse had called a conspiracy against all government. Wishaupt believes that to promote this perfection of the human character was the object of Jesus Christ. That his intention was simply to reinstate natural religion, & by diffusing the light of his morality, to teach us to govern ourselves. His precepts are the love of god & love of our neighbor. And by teaching innocence of conduct, he expected to place men in their natural state of liberty & equality. He says, no one ever laid a surer foundation for liberty than our grand master, Jesus of Nazareth. He believes the Free masons were originally possessed of the true principles & objects of Christianity, & have still preserved some of them by tradition, but much disfigured. The means he proposes to effect this improvement of human nature are “to enlighten men, to correct their morals & inspire them with benevolence. Secure of our success, sais he, we abstain from violent commotions. To have foreseen the happiness of posterity & to have prepared it by irreproachable means, suffices for our felicity. The tranquility of our consciences is not troubled by the reproach of aiming at the ruin or overthrow of states or thrones.” As Wishaupt lived under the tyranny of a despot & priests, he knew that caution was necessary even in spreading information, & the principles of pure morality. He proposed therefore to lead the Free masons to adopt this object & to make the objects of their institution the diffusion of science & virtue. He proposed to initiate new members into his body by gradations proportioned to his fears of the thunderbolts of tyranny. This has given an air of mystery to his views, was the foundation of his banishment, the subversion of the masonic order, & is the colour for the ravings against him of Robinson, Barruel & Morse, whose real fears are that the craft would be endangered by the spreading of information, reason, & natural morality among men. This subject being new to me, I have imagined that if it be so to you also, you may receive the same satisfaction in seeing, which I have had in forming the analysis of it: & I believe you will think with me that if Wishaupt had written here, where no secrecy is necessary in our endeavors to render men wise & virtuous, he would not have thought of any secret machinery for that purpose. As Godwin, if he had written in Germany, might probably also have thought secrecy & mysticism prudent. I will say nothing to you on the late revolution of France, which is painfully interesting. Perhaps when we know more of the circumstances which gave rise to it, & the direction it will take, Buonaparte, its chief organ, may stand in a better light than at present. I am with great esteem, dear sir, your affectionate friend.

Via 

Letter to John Adams:

 I am just returned from one of my long absences, having been at my other home for five weeks past. Having more leisure there than here for reading, I amused myself with reading seriously Plato’s Republic. I am wrong, however, in calling it amusement, for it was the heaviest task-work I ever went through. I had occasionally before taken up some of his other works, but scarcely ever had patience to go through a whole dialogue. While wading through the whimsies, the puerilities, and unintelligible jargon of this work, I laid it down often to ask myself how it could have been, that the world should have so long consented to give reputation to such nonsense as this? How the soi-disant Christian world, indeed, should have done it, is a piece of historical curiosity. But how could the Roman good sense do it? And particularly, how could Cicero bestow such eulogies on Plato! Although Cicero did not wield the dense logic of Demosthenes, yet he was able, learned, laborious, practised in the business of the world, and honest. He could not be the dupe of mere style, of which he was himself the first master in the world. With the moderns, I think, it is rather a matter of fashion and authority. Education is chiefly in the hands of persons who, from their profession, have an interest in the reputation and the dreams of Plato. They give the tone while at school, and few in their after years have occasion to revise their college opinions. But fashion and authority apart, and bringing Plato to the test of reason, take from him his sophisms, futilities and incomprehensibilities, and what remains? In truth, he is one of the race of genuine sophists, who has escaped the oblivion of his brethren, first, by the elegance of his diction, but chiefly, by the adoption and incorporation of his whimsies into the body of artificial Christianity. His foggy mind is forever presenting the semblances of objects which, half seen through a mist, can be defined neither in form nor dimensions. Yet this, which should have consigned him to early oblivion, really procured him immortality of fame and reverence. The Christian priesthood, finding the doctrines of Christ levelled to every understanding, and too plain to need explanation, saw in the mysticism of Plato, materials with which they might build up an artificial system, which might, from its indistinctness, admit everlasting controversy, give employment for their order, and introduce it to profit, power and pre-eminence. The doctrines which flowed from the lips of Jesus himself are within the comprehension of a child; but thousands of volumes have not yet explained the Platonisms engrafted on them; and for this obvious reason, that nonsense can never be explained. Their purposes, however, are answered. Plato is canonized; and it is now deemed as impious to question his merits as those of an Apostle of Jesus. He is peculiarly appealed to as an advocate of the immortality of the soul; and yet I will venture to say, that were there no better arguments than his in proof of it, not a man in the world would believe it. It is fortunate for us, that Platonic republicanism has not obtained the same favor as PlatonicChristianity; or we should now have been all living, men, women and children, pell mell together, like beasts of the field or forest. Yet “Plato is a great philosopher,” said La Fontaine. But, says Fontenelle, “Do you find his ideas very clear?” “Oh no! he is of an obscurity impenetrable.” “Do you not find him full of contradictions?” “Certainly,” replied La Fontaine, “he is but a sophist.” Yet immediately after he exclaims again, “Oh, Plato was a great philosopher.” Socrates had reason, indeed, to complain of the misrepresentations of Plato; for in truth, his dialogues are libels on Socrates.

Via 

And he questions Christianity like a non-Christian. Here's a LOT of his thoughts on it.

So I'm pretty sure there is NO way that Thomas Jefferson was a Christian.

Perfect

The Faith of our Founding Fathers - George Washington

There has been a LOT of drama going on about the faith of the founding fathers lately. So I'm going to go back to the actual words of them and try my best to figure this out. I'll go ahead and link all of my sources. Here we go (:

If you want to find the text that I'm using, just copy a sentence and use ctrl+f to find it on the page.
First thoughts from Thomas Jefferson about Washington's lack of pronouncing the Christian faith:

Feb. 1. Dr. Rush tells me that he had it from Asa Green that when the clergy addressed Genl. Washington on his departure from the govmt, it was observed in their consultation that he had never on any occasion said a word to the public which showed a belief in the Xn religion and they thot they should so pen their address as to force him at length to declare publicly whether he was a Christian or not. They did so. However he observed the old fox was too cunning for them. He answered every article of their address particularly except that, which he passed over without notice. Rush observes he never did say a word on the subject in any of his public papers except in his valedictory letter to the Governors of the states when he resigned his commission in the army, wherein he speaks of the benign influence of the Christian religion.

I know that Gouverneur Morris, who pretended to be in his secrets & believed himself to be so, has often told me that Genl. Washington believed no more of that system than he himself did.

Via

So basically Thomas Jefferson is saying that George Washington never said anything publicly about his faith (or lack thereof) in Christ. Which got me to wondering, what were George Washington's own words saying about it? The answer, very freaking little...
But here's what I've found so far:

At one point in a speech that Washington made to the Delaware Chiefs he said this:

Brothers: I am glad you have brought three of the Children of your principal Chiefs to be educated with us. I am sure Congress will open the Arms of love to them, and will look upon them as their own Children, and will have them educated accordingly. This is a great mark of your confidence and of your desire to preserve the friendship between the Two Nations to the end of time, and to become One people with your Brethren of the United States. My ears hear with pleasure the other matters you mention. Congress will be glad to hear them too. You do well to wish to learn our arts and ways of life, and above all, the religion of Jesus Christ. These will make you a greater and happier people than you are. Congress will do every thing they can to assist you in this wise intention; and to tie the knot of friendship and union so fast, that nothing shall ever be able to loose it.

Via

So my own thoughts about that are, yes Washington did talk about the religion of Jesus Christ. But does that mean that he thought it was "truth"? Perhaps, but there is more to be found.
Interesting tid-bit from a scrapped first inaugural address:

Under these circumstances I conclude it has been the part of wisdom to ad[vise] it. I pretend to no unusual foresight into futurity, and therefore cannot undertake to decide, with certainty, what may be its ultimate fate. If a promised good should terminate in an unexpected evil, it would not be a solitary example of disappointment in this mutable state of existence. If the blessings of Heaven showered thick around us should be spilled on the ground or converted to curses, through the fault of those for whom they were intended, it would not be the first instance of folly or perverseness in short-sighted mortals. The blessed Religion revealed in the word of God will remain an eternal and awful monument to prove that the best Institutions may be abused by human depravity; and that they may even, in some instances be made subservient to the vilest purposes. Should, hereafter, those who are entrusted with the management of this government, incited by the lust of power and prompted by the Supineness or venality of their Constituents, overleap the known barriers of this Constitution and violate the unalienable rights of humanity: it will only serve to shew, that no compact among men (however provident in its construction and sacred in its ratification) can be pronounced everlasting and inviolable, and if I may so express myself, that no Wall of words, that no mound of parchm[en]t can be so formed as to stand against the sweeping torrent of boundless ambition on the one side, aided by the sapping current of corrupted morals on the other.

Via

After reading that I firmly believe that Washington was Religious, but to what extent and what degree?
Wow...I might be reading this wrong, but if I'm not, damn...

Of all the dispositions and habits which lead to political prosperity, Religion and morality are indispensable supports. In vain would that man claim the tribute of Patriotism, who should labour to subvert these great Pillars of human happiness, these firmest props of the duties of Men and citizens. The mere Politician, equally with the pious man ought to respect and to cherish them. A volume could not trace all their connections with private and public felicity. Let it simply be asked where is the security for property, for reputation, for life, if the sense of religious obligation desert the oaths, which are the instruments of investigation in Courts of Justice? And let us with caution indulge the supposition, that morality can be maintained without religion. Whatever may be conceded to the influence of refined education on minds of peculiar structure, reason and experience both forbid us to expect that National morality can prevail in exclusion of religious principle.

Via

So if I'm reading this right, Washington is basically saying that people as a whole are not able to have morality without religion. Or something like that? Or he could be saying that he believes that morality come from religious beliefs? It's more than a little confusing...

Oy vey. Washington says Heaven a LOT! Here are a few of the more interesting ones:

The Hon. Continental Congress having been pleased to allow a Chaplain to each Regiment, with the pay of Thirty-three Dollars and one third pr month—The Colonels or commanding officers of each regiment are directed to procure Chaplains accordingly; persons of good Characters and exemplary lives—To see that all inferior officers and soldiers pay them a suitable respect and attend carefully upon religious exercises. The blessing and protection of Heaven are at all times necessary but especially so in times of public distress and danger—The General hopes and trusts, that every officer and man, will endeavour so to live, and act, as becomes a Christian Soldier defending the dearest Rights and Liberties of his country.

Via

Letter to officers and solders of the Pennsylvania Associators.

I had fully resolved to have paid you a Visit in New Jersey if the movements of the Enemy, and some intelligence indicating an early attack, had not induced me to suspend it.

Allow me therefore, to address you in this Mode, as fellow Citizens and fellow Soldiers engaged in the same Glorious Cause; to represent to you, that the Fate of our Country depends in all human probability, on the Exertion of a few Weeks; That it is of the utmost importance, to keep up a respectable Force for that time, and there can be no doubt that success will Crown our Efforts, if we firmly and resolutely determine, to conquer or to die.

I have placed so much confidence, in the Spirit and Zeal of the Associated Troops of Pennsylvania, that I cannot persuade myself an impatience to return Home, or a less honourable Motive will defeat my well grounded expectation, that they will do their Country essential Service, at this critical time, when the Powers of Despotism are all combined against it, and ready to strike their most decisive Stroke. If I could allow myself to doubt your Spirit and Perseverance, I should represent the ruinous Consequences of your leaving the Service, by setting before you, the discouragement it would give the Army, the confusion and shame of our Friends, and the still more galling triumph of our Enemies. But as I have no such doubts, I shall only thank you for the Spirit and Ardor you have shewn, in so readily marching to meet the Enemy, and am most confident you will crown it by a Glorious Perseverance. The Honor and safety of our bleeding Country, and every other motive that can influence the brave and heroic Patriot, call loudly upon us, to acquit ourselves with Spirit. In short, we must now determine to be enslaved or free. If we make Freedom our choice, we must obtain it, by the Blessing of Heaven on our United and Vigorous Efforts.

I salute you Gentlemen most Affectionately, and beg leave to remind you, that Liberty, Honor, and Safety are all at stake, and I trust Providence will smile upon our Efforts, and establish us once more, the Inhabitants of a free and happy Country. I am, etc.

Via

Another thing, a direct observation from his Grand daughter. He NEVER took communion. And at one point he stopped going to church on communion Sundays. Here's the letter:
http://www.ushistory.org/valleyforge/youasked/060.htm


In this letter George Washington talks of "the Gods". It is likely that he was making a reference to the Greeks. But you could say that about all the times he talks of Providence.




So my thoughts at current. If Washington was a Christian, something he never said, then he was nothing like the current Christians in America that are trying to use him as an example. He was at best a unitarian, mayyybee even a deist. Above all though, he was a patriot, through and through.

Sometimes I do a lot of research.

So I'm doing a fucking lot of research right now. Basically I'm trying to figure out what the faith of the founding fathers was. Honestly I really only care to figure out maybe just George Washington. Because I've been researching for HOURS and holy shit does my head hurt.
Ouch.
So far I have not gotten very far /:
I can see now how people spend their lives doing this, there is so much information that they put out there, holy shit.

Beautiful Faces (1)

I think that Amanda Seyfried is one of my favorite beautiful celebrities.
*sigh*
*heart melts*

Social dynamics are very strange and manipulative

People are weird.
I understand why, honestly. But it still never ceases to astound me how strange that we social creatures called humans are.
There certainty are times when I see people huddled together at a party/bar/etc (you know the type, afraid to go and make friends) and I completely understand. I mean, who hasn't been there?
While I do understand that the feeling of being...an outsider, can really suck. I also have come to realize something so simple yet so...un-thought-of.
90% of people (yes I made that up on the spot) would rather have someone else initiate a conversation with them. Honestly someone that you don't really know can and started talking to you at a party/bar/etc, would you be annoyed? Or glad that they were the one that initiated the conversation?

And this goes for phone calls, asking to hangout, etc. Likely, if someone gave you their number, they want to hangout sometime. So gather some courage, realize they want to hangout, and make it happen.
What's the worst that could happen?

Sunday mornings are very different now

In the past Sunday mornings would be a time when I would get up early, go to church, learn how our version of Christianity was the "right" one, etc.
But now, when I'm actually awake at 10, I go to a small church in Riverside.

The Unitarian Universalist Church.

It has been quite a change from the church I used to go to that was a lot more based on the facts and deeds.
The UU church is really cool because everyone there accepts anyone and everyone.
I've never felt as accepted and welcomed in an actual church as I have in this church. It is pretty cool.

Argue/debate

I have always tended to bump heads with my mother. And so because of recent developments in my spiritual life, her and I have been arguing/debating a bit every time I see her. And while I do not mind arguing/debating with her, honestly arguing/debating is fun, apparently the rest of my family doesn't like when we debate/argue. 

Monday evening I went over to visit my parents. And we both managed to not talk about religion or politics!! 

It was glorious, I didn't bring it up, she didn't bring it up. I think if it were just her and I, we probably would have gotten into it. Being as everyone was home, we didn't.

And sometimes I can't decide which word to use. So I use them both and throw a slash in between. In case you didn't catch that by now.

Straight up listing it out right now

I wonder what changed, because lately I've been writing a lot more of this good ol' blag of mine.

Like for real. It's been some straight up good times!

Anyhow!

Right now I've got a lot of energy. And I don't even know where it is coming form. Perhaps I'm excited about the fact that tomorrow my dad is going to be coming to help me out at work? Yeah that probably has something to do with it.

I'm really happy with the way things in my life are going right now. Things are looking good. 

Things I've done in the past...months or so to help me not feel like shit all the time.

Starting to...fight when I see the signs...it is hard to articulate...

Getting a councilor who pushed me to the rest of these

Eating less shitty foods (SUCH A HELP to energy)

Smoking less cigarettes

Drinking more (He actually suggested the opposite...)

Taking loads of Fish Oils

Taking loads of l-phenylalanine

Waking up at 6 every morning and working out (The goal is every morning, currently it's more like once a week...)

I realize that I have given my life to my company

Those random realizations are interesting. Like right now, possibly because of lack of sleep and over-caffination, I realized that I have throughly given my life to my company. Because they run my life even on days that I'm not here. Because of this amazing career opportunity I now can't sleep in later than 9. And I'm always checking my email to be sure everything's alright.
But it's okay with me. Because I love this company. Although the co-workers can be a bit...technologically illiterate, they are a fun and exciting group of people.
And some mornings, like today, they bring cake. For no reason. Just because they rock!

Gotta love it.

LukeProg

It is interesting to me that LukeProg used to blog here. And maybe I'm totally wrong on this, but man did he really want to seek out Jesus. Then it lead him down the road of non-belief.

And now he has another blog dedicated to life as an atheist. Quite the turn-around.

Conversation with a Professor (1)

Recently I emailed a former professor of mine regarding a lot of the questions that I have about Christianity/the Bible/God.
And as we continue to discus it I'm going to post all of the emails. And away we go.

Dear Professor,

It does mean a lot that you have respect for people that follow their convictions, so thank you for that. It helps balance the bad impression of Christians I've been getting these last few months. Because 95% of the people I know are Christians. And I've been getting a lot of those angry/fearful emotional outbursts from them. So again, thank you.

Everything that has happened to my changing of belief systems. Trying to figure things out, etc. It all pretty much started about a the time of this blog post. Which is INSANE to me, because at the time of this post, I really believed.

My biggest issue with the things God did in the OT. Most of them have to do with free will (or the lack there of?), war/murder/killing, and the objectification of women. Please feel free to cite as much of the Bible as you want to, I will. And I'm going to do my best not to take anything out of context. I'll also add a Hyperlink to the chapter of the verse that I'm using.

Starting with confusion at/about the garden of eden. I previously wrote a blog post all about it. Be warned though, the blog is more for me, so it's a bit offensive. So that issue is more of a...logic/why/how. Because the Bible does say this:

1 John 3:20

in whatever our heart condemns us; for God is greater than our heart and knows all things.

Which makes me wonder, why would God, who knows all, let the Fall happen? He knew it was going to happen, right? I'm not so much looking for answers as looking for responses, are my questions even valid? Or am I misunderstanding the point?

And then my other issue is, in the OT I can't find any verses that really seem to point out that God is all-knowing. I know Psalms 139 (random side note, " Do I not hate those who hate you, O LORD, / and abhor those who rise up against you?/ 22 I have nothing but hatred for them;/ I count them my enemies." is another verse that I don't get.) is a popular one, but that seems to be more of a "I've told you everything, you know my heart" type of thing. I know of plenty of verses in the NT that state the omniscience of God. Being as my issue is with the cohesiveness of the Old and New Testaments, you can see why it doesn't do much to help...

And yet another big one for me, more so with the differences between Jesus and Paul's differences in theology. This is one thing that Jesus says this in Matthew 5

17"Do not think that I have come to abolish the Law or the Prophets; I have not come to abolish them but to fulfill them. 18I tell you the truth, until heaven and earth disappear, not the smallest letter, not the least stroke of a pen, will by any means disappear from the Law until everything is accomplished. 19Anyone who breaks one of the least of these commandments and teaches others to do the same will be called least in the kingdom of heaven, but whoever practices and teaches these commands will be called great in the kingdom of heaven. 20For I tell you that unless your righteousness surpasses that of the Pharisees and the teachers of the law, you will certainly not enter the kingdom of heaven.

Which is very different from several times when Paul actively says the Law is not what it's about, like in Romans 2:

28A man is not a Jew if he is only one outwardly, nor is circumcision merely outward and physical.29No, a man is a Jew if he is one inwardly; and circumcision is circumcision of the heart, by the Spirit, not by the written code. Such a man's praise is not from men, but from God.

Things like that make me think the Bible is not the infallible word of God. Not to mention the history behind the canonization. I don't understand what gave these people from 1600 years ago (give or take) the authority to say what was the inspired word of God. I've heard that the Holy Spirit is what gave them that authority, but then did it give that same authority to Luther? If so, why are Hebrews, James, Jude, and Revelation still in the Protestant Bible?

I guess the biggest reason I'm not a Christian is; there are just to many different flavors and varieties of Christianity (excluding the Gnostic Gospels).

The Eighth Deadly Sin

The original 7 Deadly Sins

Stupidity is the Eight Deadly Sin. Look it up.
I mean, that's why Solomon wrote a whole book of the Bible to not being stupid, right?
Well maybe Stupidity isn't so much the Eighth Deadly Sin.
Maybe the Seven Deadly Sins all join up (Power Ranger Status) to create the One Deathly Sin?!

That would make the most sense to me.

Random picture time!!

Sometime I google "Random picture" and get some very odd results. Like this picture of a...cross-dresser? Or a VERY masculine woman....

And can I just say, what is with those shoes!?!

This one movie that I enjoy more than I thought possible

Coach Carr is my favorite because of this quote:

"Don't have sex, because you will get pregnant and die! Don't have sex in the missionary position, don't have sex standing up, just don't do it, OK, promise? OK, now everybody take some rubbers."

Inspiration is what exactly?

What the hell is inspiration? Well the definition, according to 1913 Webster, is:

1. The act of inspiring or breathing in; breath; specif. (Physiol.), the drawing of air into the lungs, accomplished in mammals by elevation of the chest walls and flattening of the diaphragm; -- the opposite of expiration. [1913 Webster]

2. The act or power of exercising an elevating or stimulating influence upon the intellect or emotions; the result of such influence which quickens or stimulates; as, the inspiration of occasion, of art, etc. [1913 Webster]

Your father was ever virtuous, and holy men at their death have good inspirations. --Shak. [1913 Webster]

3. (Theol.) A supernatural divine influence on the prophets, apostles, or sacred writers, by which they were qualified to communicate moral or religious truth with authority; a supernatural influence which qualifies men to receive and communicate divine truth; also, the truth communicated. [1913 Webster]

Now let's not talk about the Theological inspiration or the act of breathing in. Let's talk about number 2 specifically. Is it really that easy? Just anything that stimulates your emotions or intellect and possibly causes you to act on it?
So if I listen to music and feel the need to drum along to the music, that was something that inspired me to drum? Or if I see someone with candy and then get some candy, I was inspired to get candy?
Is it just me or is that an unsatisfactory definition?

Marketing fail!

Of all the things to say. Just, "This changes everything. Again."
Really?!?
As amazing as the new iPhone looks (VERY) I just can't believe this totally lame slogan.

Am I the only one that thinks this is super ridiculous?

Where the term "cougar" came from?

I completely and totally understand how/why the term "cougar" is used for older ladies that are hitting on younger guys.
It's because they are so damn scary!!

Like Suze Orman, it doesn't even matter if she goes for younger guys, just that face, right there. Very "cougar". Almost like she's ready to pounce an elk or something.
*shutters*

Political Extremists

Extremists are the downfall of society as a whole. From the Religious Right to the Liberal Left. It has nothing to do with the politics at all. The problem is what people will do/say/lie/etc to get their agenda across.

And you know what kind of people tend to do that the most? 

Extremists.

And it's not like they really understand what they are doing. The problem is that they just get so caught up with everything that they fail to see the evidence they don't want to see. It's a part of the human condition.

Dreams are what you really want

I had this dream where I was jumping around on these crazy blue rails. They were suspended in the air about 200 ft off the ground. And I was running away from some guy that was chasing me. Why he was chasing me, I'm not sure.
It's times like these I really wish that I could remember my dreams better /:
I mean, there is just so much that can be learned from dreams. Not even crazy stuff about the universe or the world, just a lot of stuff about the individual person dreaming.
It would be cool to have perfect dream recall and interpret all of your dreams, find your reoccurring dreams/symbols and figure out what it all means. Figure out what your unconscious wants you to know.
That would be cool.

There is no existence...

There are times and places that I exist
not for any reason
because I do
I guess

Perhaps I really don't exist
in times and places
here and there
near and far

Seeing people on the street that apparently don't want to see you

Have you ever been walking and seen someone that you know off in the distance; then all of a sudden they turn around quickly and walk the other way?
I'm pretty sure they didn't realize that I saw them. So it was actually quite hilarious to see then turn around so quickly.

I didn't realize I was being avoided by people.

Sanity is just a word for people who don't realize their crazy yet

Possibly the worst feeling in the world is when you start to question your sanity. Not in a small joking way, but in an oh-shit-is-this-real-or-am-I-crazy kind of way. Trust me on this one, it's not a fun experience. Imagine it like A Beautiful Mind status.
Wouldn't that be a mind fuck, to wake up one day and realize that everything you've been doing that last 6 months never happened. Or that your best friend never existed...

The things I don't know outweigh the things I do know.

Today there is a lot of weight on my chest and I almost feel like giving up on the day. Or the person. Or the world. Or mankind. Or myself. Heavy boots as a famous author might say. I have heavy boots. And I wonder how much of the weight of them is me...

Or how much of it really is something that is wrong with me. Chemically. 

My real honest question to myself, why do I want the problem to be chemical? Why would it be so horrible to find out that I'm just someone that tends to feel sad more often than others? Or maybe I have a bad diet that is not giving me enough of X.

Why do I seem to want to be able to blame anyone other than myself for this...fault, defect, or what have you.

I don't really know. But I know that it feels pretty fucking real and I'm going to treat it that way, it's nearly taken my life once or twice and I don't want to let it ever get that badly again.

So I'll just keep my life nice and structured from 6 am till 5pm. After that, I let the chaos come alive.

I think it's a health balance for me. It lets me have structure that I don't have to change and it also allows me to be spontaneous and adventurous in my free time.

Sometime you just need to act

Why do we always have to be sure of something before we do it? 

Perhaps the most predictable trait that individuals have is the need to understand everything, before acting on it.

Yet then, you put a bunch of individuals in a group and they don't have to understand things anymore. They tend to just act. 

Maybe it's the whole, "I'm not alone" mindset? Or maybe it is something more? Something on a deeper level that needs to be a member of a group. That part of humans that, for some reason, needs to belong. 

It is an interesting quark of human nature.

There are these times
when I feel like
I just have to write
Never about anything in particular
Just whatever comes to mind
be it lame/funny/random/stupid
it doesn't matter.
All that matters is that I get it out
let it go
free it from my mind.

I've got plenty of example
here on this chessy blog of mine.
Talking about love
faith
loss
and everything in between.
And while it might be hurtful and harsh
I'm sorry
but it needs to get out.
And honestly if you don't like it
don't read it
easy solution for an easy problem.

People are people, no matter what label they have

People are honest or dishonest. And those that choose to be dishonest more often than not, those are the people that turn out "bad". Because I've slowly come to realize, being honest in every situation helps me to identify where/when/how I'm starting to be dishonest with myself. And that's when the huge web of lies starts, with yourself. 

Does that make any sense at all?

Saying that I tend to over think things is any understatement

I over think
everything.
From the way
someone acts
to the way they smile
laugh
cough
or even fold their arms.

People tend to say
don't over think things
nothing good can come of it.
But I wonder
is that true?
Because it has
never done wrong by me.

Days like these are not my favorite.

Ugh!! Why, oh why do I have to get sick during the ONE week that I can't miss work!!

In other news, I feel like shit. Sitting here at my desk, trying my hardest to get my brain to start working. It just is not working right today.

I think it might have something to do with the copious amounts of cough syrup that I've been ingesting to hopefully prevent myself from dying of coughing fits.

Wow, it's a good think I've got spell check on this. My brain and fingers are NOT working together very well today...