The things I don't know outweigh the things I do know.

Today there is a lot of weight on my chest and I almost feel like giving up on the day. Or the person. Or the world. Or mankind. Or myself. Heavy boots as a famous author might say. I have heavy boots. And I wonder how much of the weight of them is me...

Or how much of it really is something that is wrong with me. Chemically. 

My real honest question to myself, why do I want the problem to be chemical? Why would it be so horrible to find out that I'm just someone that tends to feel sad more often than others? Or maybe I have a bad diet that is not giving me enough of X.

Why do I seem to want to be able to blame anyone other than myself for this...fault, defect, or what have you.

I don't really know. But I know that it feels pretty fucking real and I'm going to treat it that way, it's nearly taken my life once or twice and I don't want to let it ever get that badly again.

So I'll just keep my life nice and structured from 6 am till 5pm. After that, I let the chaos come alive.

I think it's a health balance for me. It lets me have structure that I don't have to change and it also allows me to be spontaneous and adventurous in my free time.