We know nothing...

Everything is controlled.
All our "knowledge" is what has been given to us.
Somebody is pulling all the strings.
Be it the government, the very very rich, or some other person/people.

But maybe it's better this way?
Perhaps as a people we are not ready to have that much power.
Or for it to get into the wrong hands.

It's unlikely this will make any sense or be coherent.

love lust infatuation

thoughts swimming in my head

where to go who to see

i don't know

i'm just me

i don't care

yet i do

more than people think

or know

more than i care for them to

lost alone peaceful

found around insane

yet comprehendable

around and around

like a duck in the sea

confused not found

bound yet unfounded

confusion creeps in

does not let things make sense

what makes sense

nothing, not really

or maybe things do

make sense

or seem to

i can dream

right?

it's my life my dream

does that mean i get

what i want?

probably not

but i can dream

or maybe i can't

perhaps i don't

really have a choice

or maybe i do

who knows

i surely don't know

a damn thing

well there's one or two things

that i know for sure

sometimes i wonder what 

ive gotten myself into

is it for the worst or for the best?

i hope it's for the best

because there's no turning back

not for me at least

my mind makes me crazy

it just keeps spinning

and thinking

and going and going

then when i need it most

it fails 

forgets

slows to a crawl

i wonder why.

dreams are supposed to be fun

relaxing

weird

strange

and rarely annoying

or terrifying

or scary

yet it seems

most of my dreams

are filled with violence

hate 

and pain

never for others

it's not quite like that

always pain to me

or me being violent

i wonder what it all means

if anything at all

people say it's the unconscious mind

trying to talk

i wonder if they are right?

Presidential candidates

It makes me laugh when people get so pissed at the president (any president works) because he didn't hold up to all of his promises.

Guys, presidential candidates have been promising things and not delivering since the beginning of time.
IT'S WHAT THEY DO.
And do you really expect one president to come in and change everything all at once?
REALLY?!

21 things for my 21st year of life.

Updated 2/26/14

1. Quit smoking, completely
2. Run 10 miles straight
3. Visit London - Done
4. Visit the East Coast
5. Learn Sign Language - Done-ish
6. Go wine tasting in Northern California
7. Go to a shooting range and have a blast - Done
8. Have 1200 in savings - Done
9. Re-read Sanderson's works and A Severe Mercy
10. Sell shit I don't need/want/use (xbox, games, books, movies, etc) - Done
11. See MCS live again
12. Sky dive
13. Visit Whitehall, Montana
14. Smile at least once per day - Done
15. Visit Big Bear on my bike
16. Have the same girlfriend - Done
17. Goto October Fest
18. Visit Hanger 24 - Done
19. Get my MSCITP
20. Get promoted at work
21. Spend more time with people I care about

This girl

Nov 13th 2010

I think I love this girl.

I can't say it yet, it's far too soon. Far too possible for it to be, just me. Being stupid, saying things I'm not sure.

But one day, hopefully soon. I'll tell her.

That I love her.

This describes it pretty well:

http://www.plyrics.com/lyrics/mae/readyandwaitingtofall.html

Nov 19th 2010
i think i love her...
perhaps i dont, it could be that i dont love her
that i just love the "idea" of her
possible
maybe even probable
but i dont think so
i think i really do care about her
in more ways that i like
example being her virginity (a fucking scary thing)
she wants to wait a long long long time
before that happens
which is understandable
i guess
or is it?
i dont really know
all i know is
im not in this for the short haul
really, im not
she means a lot more to me than she knows
or maybe she doesnt...
how can i know

my biggest fear is that we wont work out
not in the long run
or as far as compatablity goes
but sexually
what if we dont work?
what do i do then?
give it time
just stay with her
after it happens
it will be a big big big deal
she will love me (preferably before then)
and ill love her too.
but what am i supposed to do
if we dont "fit" like that...

i think this is why i know that
its not about the sex
its about that connection
that sex brings
its something much different
it brings a whole different world to the universe
that is our relationship
not like a kiss
not like a hug
its something much different
something that cant be described
really it cant
sure sex can
and so can some of the feelings attached
but that level of intimacy
that is something no one can describe
not accurately at least
even Shakespeare couldnt do it...

Nov 22nd 2010
i don't care
what anyone thinks
perhaps i fall quickly
or instantly
while it's not
love at first sight
it sure is something
quite fast
i love her
as much as i'd rather not say it
but i can't say it,
not to her
not yet
it's far to soon
those three words
can kill
even the best of
relationships.
but i'll tell her
soon...

Dec 3rd 2010
only been two months now
hardly any time at all
yet you know me well
better than most
i wonder why that is
or maybe it isn't
perhaps i'm just playing games
in my head
wishing for things
to be what they are not
but i'll continue to believe
they are what i think
it makes life easier
perhaps that's why people believe

Dec 8th 2010
in love
that's what I am
no longer just infatuation
i see her flaws
her imperfections
they are there
not even hidden
below the surface
visible
and imperfect
but non-the-less
i love her
for her smile
her face
her attitude
her ambitions
and goals
she cares
where she's going
where she's been
it doesn't effect her
in negative ways
perhaps it does
and even though
she can be judgmental
about people
places
and things
she hasn't a clue about
i don't care
i love her still

Dec 10th 2010
finally
it is done
i said it
she said it
we meant it
finally
my only fear
is that she'll loose
that feeling
and emotion
but if she does
i hope that she
won't loose
the action
the meaning
it's not just about
the emotion
or feeling
those are great
but there's a lot more
to love

Core beliefs as of 12/8/2010

• Change is never good or bad. Change is the nature of existence, everything changes.
• It can not be known, what is "out there", be it aliens, "God", "gods", or fate.
• The ideal of "Pay it Forward" is one to live by.
• Love is a choice, action, feeling, and emotion. It takes different forms in different relationships.
• Reading, while great, is just as bad as TV, if you don't think.
• Asking "Why does that work" is always a wise question.

time is odd
it flys when we have fun
slows when we are bored
stops when we get caught
in a moment of bliss
i wonder why
time is never
straight forward
never the same
as it has been
days
weeks
months
years
pass
yet time is so relative
perhaps we are not
of the temporal realm
only here for a bit
or maybe that's not it
perhaps it
is just the way we
perceive it
view it
observe it
or maybe i'm wrong
that's always possible
i'm pretty damn good
at not knowing a thing

Oh coworkers, you make me laugh!

From: M
To: D; C; B;
Subject: RE: Football Pool

How much have you spent (lost ) so far this season. I haven't lost a penny, I'm even ! Can you say that. I bet you can say LOSER.

---

From: D
To: C; M; B
Subject: RE: Football Pool

Please remove me from your email distribution list immediately.

IT person, how do you mark certain email addresses to go automatically to junk mail?

Thanks,

D

---

From: C
To: D; M; B
Subject: RE: Football Pool

Wow, so far two brilliant comical responses. What a stroke of witticism and sarcastic brilliance, my hats off to you both.

C

---

From: D
To: M; C; B;
Subject: RE: Football Pool

Not Me!

Thanks,

D

---

From: M
To: C; B;
Subject: RE: Football Pool

WHO CARES!!!!

---

From: C
To: B
Subject: RE: Football Pool

Finally, after such a disappointing football pool season so far, I am leading in the pool, having correctly picked both Arizona State and Philadelphia last night. Wow, just to be able to gloat for one day is satisfying. Likely the winnings will be mine for this week and I will be able to pay for the whole pool for the year, and have enough left over to buy a lunch for myself. I think some humble pie sounds good. Dogged persistence pays off in the long run, or will it? I know my fellow employee owners all wish me luck and are rooting for me, who is more deserving?

There you go, I stirred the pot. All comical responses are welcome.

C

---

From: B
Subject: Football Pool

Sorry about getting the pool out late.

There are Two games tonight.  College – Arizona & Arizona State and Pro – Philadelphia and Houston.

If you can’t get me your pool back today, e-mail me with your picks for tonight’s two games.

Also attached are the cumulative standings. 

life is weird
life is strange
its never the same
different every day
but oddly not
like seeing an old acquaintance
from years past
different face
body
features
maybe even structure
yet still a glimpse of the same
person you once knew

sometimes
i don't know what to say
or do
to calm you
to make you understand
i'd go to hell and back
for you
believe it or not
you're something special
something different
from what i've known
yet something a kin
to what i've known
it makes no sense
not to you
not to me
but that's okay
just let it be
realize that i care
really i do
and if that doesn't help
or comfort you
then i'm sorry
that's all i can say
or maybe there's more
i'll give it a go

you make me smile
most of the time
without even trying
all you need to do
is be you
and there it goes
that smile across my lips
forcing my teeth to show
it's kind of annoying sometimes
i don' think you know
i'm used to being in control
of how i act and feel
but not so much
when i'm with you
things are different then
i don't really know what to do
or how to act
or what to say
but does it really matter?
i don't think that it does
all that matters when i'm with you
is that i'm with you
and that's all i could ask for

i feel like i'm rambaling now
just tryping away
for no perticular reason
nothing more to say
but i don't know
i just feel the need to continue
to let my fings hit the keys
perhaps i'm just in
a cheesy mood
or a "creative" one
lol
me creative
what a ridiculous though
i just am having fun
getting my thoughts out
lettting it be
hoping to show her
one day
how much she means to me
i don't know if she'll ever
really realize how much
she means to me.
maybe she will
i wonder if i mean the same to her....
or if i'm just the first
guy that she's falling for....
i hope that's not the case
i don't think it is, but you never know
it is possible
how ever slight the chance
it still exists...

and with that
i'm going to bed
it call my name, that cursed sleep
oh sleep please let me dream
good dreams
not the terrors that
you seem to give to me
night after night....

of all the people in this world
that i've lost to
death, suicide, and life
perhaps the one i miss the most
isn't my grandma
nor my aunt
nor my dear friend Rachel
the one i miss the most
is the one still alive
yet living so far away
in a place where i can't see him
nor hardly stay in touch
because life does that
it can easily divide
when someone dies
it's over, and you know it
when someone moves, it's not quite over
but it seems like it is
you don't really know
how can it be any kind of friendship
like it used to be
but maybe that's the point
or maybe it's not
i don't even know
what i'm saying
or writing
or thinking
it just happens
and i let it be

how the hell am i supposed to do this
it's frustrating, difficult, and not fun
it's anti-fun in fact
un fun
boo.
i kind of wish that i knew what i was
signing up for in this
but nope
i didn't get to know
until it was too late.
perhaps that's a good thing
because im not sure that i would have
made the choices ive mad
if i knew how long it would be
until i reach that closeness
that level of interest
intimacy
love

one day ill know
if it is worth it
im pretty sure it will be
but honestly
how can i know?
how can anyone know?

though people really do act
like they know
how can they?
they don't know a damn thing
they just say they know
because it makes it easier.
that way their living in their fantasy world
where things are perfect.
but thats not how it works
things are not perfect
they are fucked up
broken
sad
insecure
and real

im glad that i do my best
to live in a world
where left is actually left
and right is actually right
up is up
and down is down

people and their illusions of grandeur
where they have what they want
things like they want
people how they want them
children living how they want them to live
but its not real
its a fantasy.

I think I'm going to die.
This is great, minus one thing.
But that thing, is important.
Like really, really, really important.
How do people do it?

RIP

you've lived a good life

struggling for a lot time

fighting diseases

arthritis

and shit people 

shouldn't have to deal with

now it's off to the grave

the abyss

obliteration

or the happily ever after

and it's like peter said

death is the next great adventure

anyhow any case

i'll miss you my grandma

i really did love you

i sure as hell hope

you get a happily ever after

why is it all i wanna do is slap everyone that i talk to?
Like for real, i'm just pissed at everyone for nothing.
luckily i've not been too much of an asshole. only a bit.

sleep is my enemy, yet he hates me
we fight, like cats and dogs
back and forth
one day we're good
the next we fight
torn between pleasant dreams
and horrid nightmares
he can't decide
let adam sleep?
or wake him up?

who knows why
this entity hates me
yet loves me so
he just likes to do
whatever he wants
i guess it
is all
just his
mood?
or need for the moment
or maybe
i'm being ridiculous
perhaps sleep
isn't an entity at all?
maybe he's just
what my body does
to get things from
my subconscious
to my conscious...
nah
that's crazy
there has to be a reason
rhyme
and method
to everything
right?

my dreams are annoying me

I just woke up and had to write this down as soon as I could, here's my nightmare:


it was Halloween and i was running around. there was this long tunnel that i was walking through
then i randomly yelled
i heard my sister yell too
so i started to look around for her.
i found her stuck in this pipe thing. not sure what it was
then i started to look for a way to help her get out of it
then i went to this church for some odd reason
it was their pipe i guess.
then there was this whole big ordeal about how the pipe didn't exist
it was not really what people thought it was
people didn't really get lost in this pipe
all the while i was angry because i knew that people really did get lost and stuck in the pipe
then i started to speak out, and yelled at the speaker about it.
he walk walking around the room.
then there was this long video on the screen about how the tunnels are not real.
there was a lot of scary weird pictures in the video.
after that these scary guys in masks (like the ones that Zuko wears in avitar the last air bender) started doing this massive dance thing.
They ended up throwing these sticks at my.
they used to be twirling these sticks.
it really was hurting me and almost starting to paralyze me.
then i looked around and everyone was just laughing about it
apparently i was getting what i deserve bc i spoke up.
i started to chance down the speaker guy. he ran into one of the tunnels.
i got really lost and ended up stuck. just like my sister was before.
Then things got really bad and scary (I realized I was dreaming)
then i forced myself to wake up.
I woke up sweating and freaked out, yet tired and wanting to go back to sleep. Not sure what I'm going to do considering I have to be at work at 6:30 ):

sometimes i think this girl is going to be the end of my sanity....
or at least the end of my being able to sleep at night.

not in a bad way, but i just don't think i'll ever really understand her.
it's weird.
because she makes sense, and i see where she's coming from.
but the problem is i don't understand.

oh and then she sometimes brings up a subject only to say let's talk about it later.
then i'm suck awake all night worrying.

i sure hope that our schedules don't conflict this badly next semester...
i'd sure like to see her more often than a few times a week.

Work week

A 12 day work week is annoying. Ugh.

Vent

Not only do I have 8 major projects (read IMPORTANT) I'm working on, but then I have to do all the little stuff too. Document users and their issues. Install all new hardware. Maintain and track orders. Find/update/replace firmware and drivers.

Ugh.

Being the only IT person (my boss does NOT count because she has WAAAAYYY to much shit on her plate, accounting, programming (not the same as what I do), branch reports, and managing stuff) at a company with 60+ users is a bitch. Everything is held up with bandaids and no issue can be fully resolved unless I do it. For example, our ticketing system (SUUUUPER IMPORTANT) is not being backed up! What the fuck were they thinking? And if shit were to hit the fan (like it almost did Friday) then I'd be the one getting in trouble. And now I'm the one in charge of figuring out how we are going to back it up...like I need more shit to do...

And then I get yelled at for not being able to "keep up" with everything.

What the fuck. How can I make people understand, I'm not sitting on Facebook all day, hell I'm hardly taking 30 min lunch breaks (I'm hourly and have an hour "off" for lunch). 

And the biggest thing is, I would LOVE more money, but what I really, truly seek, from my boss and the CFO and President is respect. Because they already trust me (or they don't realize how much power they have given me).

It's like, your world runs on computers, why won't you respect the people that are keeping them from fucking up?

Politics and Religion and Worldviews

People need to stop being stupid. Stop getting offended at every little thing. So what if someone says something you take offence to. Just get over it. Unless they are personally attacking you, get over it.
"it's offencive to my religion"
"it's offencve to my people"
"it instills hate"
Whatever the fraking case, get over it. Because without the freedom of speech, what are we? Who are we? Then who controls us? Those in power? Those who put themselves in power?
So don't EVER let anyone silence your freedom of speech! Seriously.

And those of you that are getting but hurt, speak out! That's fine. Just don't go trying to pass laws that condemn people for their freedom of speech. Because no matter how much bad a person or people can do by speaking evil, it is NOT right to take away freedom of speech.

The changes that a year brings

its surprising how many things

change

in a short amount of time

just a year

not more

not less

and bam

here i go again

another person

another time

another place

how odd

that life does this

changes like this

not only have i

broken hearts

broken my heart

gotten over it

had a crush

a rebound

and now

another girl

that I can seriously see myself with

not just the short term

but possibly the long one

too

im not saying it will

work out

or be perfect

because it might not

theres always that change

that it wont

but you cant bet on that

cant be always looking towards the 

end

or a specific

point

nope

gotta live in the moment

enjoy what you have

take nothing for granted

because when you do

thats when the issues

start to arise

like the sun does

everyday

without fault

Real

Cheesy shit written for my boy Kyle! Congratulations, I know this is a bit late, but I didn't wanna ruin the surprise.

It's that time

for you to ask

inquire of her

an answer to

a question.

It's not a question of knowledge

nor is it a question of strength

No

It's a question of love

commitment

trust

These qualities that you seek

in the woman you love

so you ask her

will you marry me?

will you make my love tangible

real, something to be known

something to be talked about

by others, wondering if

love is real

or fake

or a delusional state

or frame of mind.

Prove to them

those seekers and doubters

that your love

is real.

Sometimes I tear up
thinking of friends
that used to be so close
yet now are far
away from me
out in life
enjoying their lives
with girlfriends
wifes
boyfriends
husbands
sigh....

It's not like I hate them for that
it's just that I miss them, a lot
people that once where
the closest of friends
have now become
friends I love, to death and back
yet I hardly see them
and then my mind starts a buzzing
wondering things that I know the answer to
"are they avoiding me? do they hate me?
what did I do?"
I know, really I do
that they are just busy with life
love, work, school
it's nothing against me
I'm not that special
but what can I do?
my brain just does it without my control
without even trying or caring about my thoughts
about being rational
about thinking and those smart, intelligent kinds of things.
It bugs me when it does this.

Things that happen whilst intoxicated are strange and hilarious

As per my Twitter:
Alcohol does 20 dmg to willpower. Can't drink until I level that sh*t up. Last night, drank wine, got pack, smoked 5, threw away. On Day 1.


So yeah, I slipped up last night. Here's the full story:
I was hanging out with friends last night. We all had some wine, but then most of them had to go after only a few hours. So my friend and I drank a little more wine (my mistake was made here), then we just chatted for a bit. After a few mins the wine hit him pretty hard and he is all like, "I gotta goto sleep!" And then he passes out. On my way to my bed I get this (at the time) great idea to buy cigs, smoke some, then throw them away. So I walk my ass over to CVS and buy a pack. Then I goto a bench and just chain smoke around 5 of them. Then I tear up the rest and throw them away.


And that's why I'm back on Day 1.

Drive?

I've got this strange feeling. Like I want to just go, away. Not forever, but just take time away from this all. But at the same time, I don't know if I'd really enjoy that, being gone, away from friends and family. All these people that I love/care about/enjoy talking to. It would be odd, to just drive. Get away. Drive until I stop driving.
Wonder lust. That's this feeling
It's weird. I don't know why I have it. What it "means"
Am I bored with the way I'm living live? Do I just want a cigarette? I don't get it.
I don't understand. It's frustrating.
I don't want to be here.
But don't want to see people (minus a few) or really interact with them. I just want to drive, get out of here. Be somewhere else. So maybe that's what I'll do, drive. Just drive...

Thoughts put into weird grammar and lots of returns

Sometimes I feel like I just don't get it

don't understand this life of mine

The constant beating of my heart

constant thoughts in my head

They go on and on, why?

What is it that makes me go forward

makes me live another day?

I know of the sciences behind it

the Truth of it all

But I still wonder, with these feelings of mine

why do I go on

Is it love that keeps me moving?

perhaps it is, but i don't think so

I feel like it's more than that

more than love

more than the science behind this all

I know you can't really "will" your life away

but if you just didn't care

would it end? 

Not by fancy things like pills, guns, rope, or cars

but by the sheer force of will

Is that possible?

does that happen?

Some say that old people

after their partners die

don't survive more than a few years

Why is that? 

is it because

without love

commitment

companionship

etc

that you just can't really make it?

is that it? Is that the secret to a full life?

Something as simple as love?

-

There's this girl

she's smart cute n funny

I enjoy her company 

she enjoys mine

I like how she doesn't mind

things I do

will do

or have done

While there are things that she won't do

not with me

not with anybody

it's okay

She doesn't judge anyone

which is weird to me

because so many people I know

are willing to judge everyone else

it's not a big deal to them

it's normal

expected even

and honestly, the more i hangout with that crowd

the more that I become like them

while "you are what you eat"

isn't quite right, it almost applies

to me

to who i am

How i spend my time and money

the people I love

the people I hate

it's like i'm not my own person

I just try to blend in

is it good, bad, or indifferent?

i surly don't know, I wish i did

will i ever really know

who i am...

-

people are stupid

they bug me

annoy me

frustrate me

i know they dont mean it

they dont hate me

they just care

about themselves

more than anything

is it wrong

to think like that

i dont know

maybe its all that we are

all we can be

selfish creatures

wanting to please

only ourselves

not giving a damn

about anyone else

or maybe thats wrong

it could be that we

as humans

are just another animal

caring only about

our safety and tribe

our group

our circle

or is that wrong

i mean

who wouldnt die

for family 

friends

lovers

and country

if you knew that it would safe lives

would you do it?

i cant speak for all

not even most

but i know what i would do

if it can to that choice

that decision

me or them

selfish or selfless

but honestly

who is more selfless

the man that dies for others

or the man that lives for others?

Can I just say, holy shit!
People getting married and engaged left and right! It's intense!!
And quite scary.
I'm surprised at how scary this is...it's weird because as scary as it is, it's also quite exciting.
I'm nervous for them, excited, afraid I'll loose my best friend (doubtful...), and not sure if he's making the right choice...
It's prolly just me being stupid and emotional and then the quiting smoking isn't helping anything out...
*sigh*
Life is so complicated and frustrating, yet awesome (:
I guess my biggest fear is of the changes that will be taking place in the next few months. Quite a lot is going to change...it'll be weird.

Smoking cigarettes was never a good idea

Yeah I'm done smoking (:
Been wanting to quit for months now, but there's this girl that is helping to motivate me.
Got the gum and everything. Made it FB official. Even told co-workers to hold me accountable.
It's happening (:

"Why Don't He Lend a Hand" by Samuel Porter Putnam

Why Don’t He Lend a Hand






You say there is a God
Above the boundless sky,
A wise and wondrous deity
Whose strength none can defy.
You say that he is seated
Upon a throne most grand,
Millions of angels at his beck—
Why don’t he lend a hand?
See how the earth is moaning,
What countless tears are shed,
See how the plague stalks forward
And brave and sweet lie dead.
Homes burn and hearts are breaking,
Grim murder stains the land;
You say he is omnipotent—
Why don’t he lend a hand?
Behold, injustice conquers;
Pain curses every hour;
The good and true and beautiful
Are trampled like the flower.
You say he is our father,
That what he wills doth stand;
If he is thus almighty
Why don’t he tend a hand?
What is this monarch doing
Upon his golden throne,
To right the wrong stupendous,
Give joy instead of moan?
With his resistless majesty,
Each force at his command,
Each law his own creation—
Why don’t he lend a hand?
Alas! I fear he’s sleeping,
Or is himself a dream,
A bubble on thought’s ocean,
Our fancy’s fading gleam.
We look in vain to find him
Upon his throne so grand,
Then turn your vision earthward—
‘Tis we must lend a hand.
‘Tis we must grasp the lightning.
And plow the rugged soil;
‘Tis we must beat back suffering,
And plague and murder foil;
‘Tis we must build the paradise
And bravely right the wrong;
The god above us faileth,
The god within is strong.

Future dream

My dream:
In 50-100 years Religion will just be something that you do because your parents/grandparents/etc have always done it. There will be no one that takes their holy book literally. Everyone will have their own different concepts of god/gods/spirits/whatever. And we won't even think of doing stupid/evil things like burning books.
A world where there are no creationists, no flat earth believers, no one that thinks, 'believe what I do or die.'
Wouldn't that be grand?
Unfortunately the religious always seem to have more kids. Then they teach their kids their own personal views, which is totally normal and understandable. But then again, there will always be those that brainwash their children with religion.
Sometimes I wonder if it will ever end. I sure hope so...

All I have to say is:

If you burn a Quran on 9/11, the anniversary of all those deaths, you are fucking stupid. That is letting the terrorists (a RADICAL Islamic group) win. You have to understand that, right? Do you even understand the word? TERROR-ist. Terror.
They are using it to make us all fight against each other.
The left hating the right
The right hating the left
And loads of people hatting anyone that is a Muslim.
Do you think the radicals (the ones that think the normal Muslim community is week) really give a fuck about how their people are treated? They only care about themselves and their jealous, vain, self-rightous, man-made Allah.
So are they going to care if you're burning their holy books? Yeah, it's likely. But you know who would be sad if they saw THAT as a response to 9/11? Those that will be slowly forgotten in 9/11. And if you're going to "burn a Quran in XXXXXX's name" then fuck you very much. What an inept way to "remember" a loved one, with hate.

Okay all that being said, if you are stupid enough to think that burning a Quran will help, do it. That's your freedom in this country. As fucking stupid and hateful as it is, you still have your freedom in America.

Base your life on facts

things to be proven

Don't sweat the stupid shit

the little things

Why worry about 

what happens when you leave?

It's something that 

can't

be proven

Seriously.

How do you

expect people to

believe in the things

taught by men 

so many years ago.

Back when people were 

superstitious.

All religion is

and has ever been

is a way to try and fill in the gaps

God controls the weather

he holds up the stars in the sky

No, you're wrong

if he exists, he's smarter than that

he doesn't have to

do a damn thing

Not anymore.

If there is some magical being 

on a higher plain of 

existence

then he/she/it

does not care about us

with the bad things that happen

day to day

murder, rape, disease, famine, etc

how could it/he/she?

Use your fraking brains please (:

Dear people,
I just want to share a few facts with you all regarding the "mosque at ground zero."

Calling it a mosque is like calling a Catholic school a church. Yes, there may be some religious activities, but that is NOT the primary function.

It is RIDICULOUS that people are calling it the "ground zero mosque" The place is 4 blocks away AND can't be seen from Ground Zero.

Finally, if you are religious then you sure as hell better stand up for this being built. Because if not, then YOU don't deserve the right to build your church where you want. 
The moral of the story is, look up the facts before spreading these lies that 'you heard from a friend.'


But don't believe me, look it up for yourself.

Hilarious things that my boss does

There are quite some good times to be had at a medium sized company (:

Read from top to bottom:

---

From: R (Pres of company)
Sent: Wednesday, September 01, 2010 1:04 PM
To: C
Cc: B
Subject: RE:

Ask Adam about just an A/B switch for the printers.  That way when using APEX you manually switch to “B” and when using the legacy program for Reclaimed it stays on “A”

R

---

From: C
Sent: Wednesday, September 01, 2010 2:59 PM
To: Adam; K
Subject: FW:

Legacy Program?????

C

From: K (my boss)
Sent: Wednesday, September 01, 2010 3:04 PM
To: C; Adam

Subject: RE:

Per dictionary.com

leg·a·cy

   ˈlɛgəsiShow Spelled [leg-uh-see] Show IPA noun, plural -cies.

1.

Law . a gift of property, esp. personal property, as money, by will; a bequest.

2.

anything handed down from the past, as from an ancestor or predecessor: the legacy of ancient Rome.

Capitalism is basically survival of the fittest. Yet how are conservatives, people that tend to disagree with survival of the fittest, the biggest capitalists?

Times like these
are confusing
not knowing what to do
how to treat
this...situation
Maybe I should follow
my instincts?
Perhaps I ought to
just...let it go

Why can't I get
you
out of my mind
away from my thoughts
You're gone now
to a place I can't go
there's no escaping it

Morality

What is morality? Is it just this odd word, that people use to describe odd situations in which we are supposed to make the "right" choice?
Or is there more to it?
Perhaps it is some concept of a...justice that is "above" us? Or maybe morality is just doing whatever a deity wants us to do?

Perhaps morality is just a word for a set of ideas and beliefs that people have that goes out the window when they are faced with the situation. Or was that ethics? ? ?

I can't wait
for the day
when I can say
"Who I am is
who I want to be."

Note: This might be a John Mayer lyric...nope. It's a Reba lyric...Though I've never heard her music.


-


Love is a feeling
and a choice.
Not just one, but both.
Love without choice
is just infatuation.
Love without infatuation
is a dying love.
You can't just have one
really.
Both are necessary for that thing called
L.O.V.E.

-

Who are you
to judge my thoughts
my experiences
my actions?
I don't know who you are
hiding under a blanket
of internet anonymity.
Well good for you
I hope it helps
you deal with life
love
loss
or whatever it is that makes you
want to hide your identity
to question without accountability
or the trust
that you would need
to say these things
to me.

Connections?

It fascinates me that that attractive (aka pretty) people tend to hangout with pretty people and non-attractive people (aka train wreck) tend to hangout with other train wrecks. Why is that?

Is it because of some mystical force of the universe? Or is it simply because people tend to "connect" with those that are alike to them.

That's crazy talk, it has to be the mystical forces.

PS, if you like to watch canceled TV with attractive people, watch Dollhouse.

First love

you captured my heart

it was not just about the physical

despite what you may think

there was so much more to it

than that small aspect

of sex, lust, and infatuation

Believe me or not

it doesn't matter

not now

after shit went down

maybe one day things will change

you'll be free

from these thoughts 

of you and me

Being a romantic tends to not pay off...

Guys: the reason girls leave you for a "bad boy" is because you're not giving them enough adventure and spontaneity. Plus girls are weird... 

Looking at things from another point of view

First and foremost, don't trip.

Second, click on the picture to get the full size and clarity.

Third, I love, love, LOVE this picture. It is such a beautifully well done representation of how the other side, the "bad guys," view death of their people.

Looking back
on the memories
and the photographs
of you and me
the love we had
no
the love we shared
is beautiful.

You know what I hate?

I fraking hate, hate, HATE!!!!! Being on hold for hours. These stupid Info-Hold people will not answer the fraking call. I've been on hold for lifetimes. It is really starting to make me want to scream.

fsdjkalfsdakl;fsdl;fjsdakjsdl;fka hkgal;kghsdakl;gh dskl;ahtrtrawuiopiopiopiopiopiopiopiopiopiopiopiopiopiopiopiopiopiopiopiopiopiopiopiopiopiopiopiopiopiopiopiopiopiopiopiopiopiopiopiopiopiopiopiopiopiopiopiopiopiopiopiop000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000saffsdjsdfkalfdjafkl;hdg;akljgsdklafjsdkl;afjsdakl;f sdjakl;
fdsakfjdsakl;fsdja
fdsafjdsafjdsa
fjodsagsrpio rerqwtjuwe]pqar9iofranqth4jo0gp-gp-gp-gp-gp-gp-gp-gp-gp-gp-gp-gp-gp-z
/z
/z
/z
/z
/z
/z
/z
/z
/z
/z
/z
/z
/z
/z
/ n

I still don't feel better.
Frakers.

Girls and their drama.

You know what I don't like? Girls and their friendships. Why, oh why is it that girls have so much Fraking drama in their friendships? It makes no sense to me. And then when they are dating a guy and there is drama, who's to blame? The guy. Always.

Note to self: Don't EVER date a girl that has a lot of drama with her friends. Because if she does then there's going to be a LOT of drama in dating her.

Scott Pilgrim vs the World.

The movie was the shit!!

It was hilarious, interesting, fun, and soooo geeky!!! 

I need to stop this bullshit

just let it flow

not even care what it says

who I'm "talking" to

what I'm saying

I just need to get it out

of my system

off of my chest

onto the screen/paper/whatever

I used to care

about the order and structure

not anymore

it just takes too much effort

and kills the beauty

the mystery

the

magic?

The best thing

in this life of mine

is memories

of things I've done.

And the 2nd best is

the dreams of the future

where I'll be made

where I am who I am

because it's who I want to be.

That's what makes

this thing called life

so easy to put up with.

Abstinence

Honestly parents, if you don't want your kid to go out and have unprotected sex there are two different ways that you can help prevent it.

1. Abstinence based program:

Get him/her a subscription to WoW. It's a known fact that 99.243 percent of people are prone to WoW addiction. Once you get your child addicted, just be sure to control what they eat, you don't want them getting all fat and pimply do you? It's a known fact that fat/pimply teens get 18.6538% less action than non-fat/pimply teens. That's love, saving your children from themselves.

2. Sexual education based program:

Teach him/her how to use protection AND the evils of STDs. Knowing the risks of sex greatly increases the chance your child will use protection, IF they decide to get it on.

No YMCAs...

Why is it okay for someone to build a Catholic church near an elementary school, yet not okay for someone to build a Mosque near Ground Zero?

And why is it that the people that are dead-set on having "freedom" and "liberty" want to force Muslims to build their Mosque somewhere else?

Live life
make mistakes
don't worry about perfection
This life we live is short
there is no time to be wasted
nor to
....fuck it

I don't understand why people are so freaking ridicilus and stupid sometimes. Sigh

What am I doing to myself? Are things going to hurt really badly? Perhaps? But will it be totally and completely worth it in the end? I'm not really sure.

I think the heartbreak is worth the "love" though. I enjoy the little infatuation that I have. Sure it's not likely that things will work out. But it would be nice if they did...
Sometimes I get frusterated at life. Because sometimes the timing of things can be so off. Or so on. Depending on the situation.
But anyhow I meet this amazing, beautiful, interesting girl. We start to hangout and things are nice. The bad news, she left on Friday. For college in Northern California. Fuck.

*sigh*

People can be rather...

I absolutely love it when I get emails like this:

I tried everything still wont work so if you have a free time and you can help me that would be great. Thank you

Did you notice how informative it was? How much clarity about the situation he provided? 

I love it when my users send me clear and concise emails that describe their problem in whole. Not to mention the keen eye for grammar and spelling. 

Holy shit. Why is everyone buying engagement rings!! Okay maybe only two people I am close with, but still!!
It's not like it is bad. I'm actually happy for them. But it is just soooooo weird for me to think of my friend's being married.
It's tripping me out!

Life is taking an interesting turn for the better.

Love
that emotion that people feel
it makes them all warm and fuzzy inside
their heads, minds, and bodies.
Reality
that thing that hinders love
life and sex.

Why must it always happen this way?
Is there some magical word
to say
some magical thing
to do
that can fix this rift
between me and you?

I'm a fool
letting you take
that piece of my heart,
knowing you would,
thinking it would be worth it,
will it be?
I don't know
about later
but now
it hurts.
Realizing you'll be gone soon
having the time of your life
slowly forgetting
the time we've had.

But that's life
that's how it goes
you live
you love
you forget.

I've been learning a lot about NLP and psychology these last few weeks. Not just a little bit. I mean most of my spare time has been spent with people actually observing the way they act. The way they think.
I've learned to start asking a LOT of questions of people. Why they did this, why they think that. Stuff of that sort.
And it has been a great learning experience for me. Although this great learning experience has come at a great peril. I can read people's emotions a lot better than I used to be able to. To the point where I can tell if someone's hiding their true emotions every once in awhile. I'm not very good at it, but I'm so glad to be learning it.
The downside, is that there are things I've learned that I didn't expect. And it really is weird.

Let me impart a little advice, if you're one of the, "ignorance is bliss" kind of people, don't every look into psychology, NLP, or deception detection. Because then you start to understand how/why people think and act the way they do. And you'll know more often when they are lying. I have barely even started to research, yet I've already learned so much and changed so much.

It is weird being able to tell when you're friends are lying.

The tension is great
the way we sit
looking at each other
wondering what if.
But we both know
things won't work now
so we pretend
there's no connection.
But maybe one day
after things have cleared
we'll both realize
the time is come
for love to resound.

What is sanity anyway?

Questioning your sanity is never a fun thing. Yesterday I dealt with a lot of that. Like I seriously did not know who to trust in the most awkward situation. Basically I was the middle man for a ridiculous situation. I was doing everything I could to NOT be the middle man. But I was friends with both parties and I basically did not have much choice but to hear both their sides of the story. Then I was talking to x and trying to not think of/say what y had said. It was not cool, not fun, and very nerve-wrecking. 

It got so bad that I didn't know if y's friend z was "in on it" or if I was just being paranoid. Then I wondered if z's bf was also in on it.

It was so bad I didn't know if I could even trust x.

I legitimately thought that everyone was out to get me and that I couldn't trust anyone.

Not a fun situation. And it's situations like that that cause me to question my sanity. Not fun. Not fun at all.

The worst thing every is being paranoid about being paranoid.

Because I can and want to post this I will

A friend wrote a post about friends with benefits and/or F*** buddies. It got me to thinking about these lyrics from good ol' John:
Friends, lovers, or nothing 
There can only be one 
Friends, lovers, or nothing 
We'll never be the in-between 
So give it up 


I totally understand this now. Because those types of relationships rarely, if ever, work.

No title fits this post

Written 7/28/10

I totally understand why people use other people. It totally makes sense. Because when you just use people you don't get attached. You just "get your fill" and then don't care.
You don't emotionally invest in the person. You don't get attached. And I know why that would seem like the desierable thing to do.
It's because when you're attached, you actually care for the person as a person. They are "real" to you. Not just something to be used.

I don't know if this makes any sense at all...
Let's try again, we'll just use guys as an example.

The reason that guys just use girls for sex is because they don't want to get attached emotionally. They want to seperate their feelings from the sitaution/person.
There are plenty of times that you can just hook up and be done with it. But that's only if both parties want that. Or if it is before they are attached.

Update 8/6/10

The thing is though, it is so much better to be attached, even if it doesn't work out. Not to the point where this one person is your whole world, that's not a fun place to be. What you want is a bit of attachment, but not enough to get jealous/paranoid/other negative emotions.Once you get there you start looking to make the relationship "exclusive" or "real" or something crazy like that.

Dear Prop 8 supporters,

Please know that the point of the government is to provide order and structure, including protecting people's rights. Especially the minority. Ergo even if it is popular to discriminate against gay marriage, the government must side with those discriminated against. And why is that? Well look up the California Constitution (Article 1, Sec 7) and the 14th amendment to the United States Constitution.

Thanks,

Adam

Bullshit to english translation to rule them all!

Best translation ever!

The author then quotes what she found to be an encouraging thought:

“Many people run from any consideration of the Bible once they find such a biblical passage. I counsel them instead to slow down and try out several different perspectives on the issues that trouble them. That way they can continue to read, learn, and profit from the Bible even as they continue to wrestle with some of its concepts. One possibility I urge them to consider is that the passage that bothers them might not teach what it appears to them to be teaching. Many of the texts people find offensive can be cleared up with a decent commentary that puts the issue into historical context” (Tim Keller, The Reason for God).

Translated , this means:

“Instead of realizing the Bible is wrong on a topic like sexism against women (which we know it is, but can’t accept since we believe our god inspired it as Capital-T-Truth™), make sure you try really hard to make up a new meaning from the text that isn’t actually there. Don’t let passages bother you if you can explain them away through commentary from a totally non-Biblical human source. We’re Christians. We can rationalize anything” (Godless Girl, who knows bullshit when she reads it).

HT GoddlessGirl 

I'm an idiot.

Why, oh why did I put myself in this situation?

I don't even know what to say, what to do, how to act. I'm just going with the flow, pretending I'm alright. Like I'm not attached.

But that's not true. How could it be true?

I'm not a robot (HT Marina and the Diamonds)

I'm just a man. I have "feelings" aka emotions aka stupid pointless left over animal instincts.

Fuck me. I'm so stupid.

Apparently on a bad day it only takes 3 negative events to ruin my months of work.

Trying desperately to be "okay" 

To be a normal human being that enjoys life.

But no, I'm just a miserable, depressed person. Trying my best to put on a smile and see if that makes everything better.

I'll probably snap out of this tomorrow and feel much better about my life.

But for now it really sucks. Must gather the energy to let myself be okay.

Moral of the story:

Don't fall in love.

Scratch that, fall in love. Just know that at some point you are going to be hurting more than you can imagine.

I'm a fucking idiot. And I don't even know why I'm posting this right now. 

For sympathy? So someone will be concerned and call me?

Why is it I'm so self-centered? Perhaps one day I'll know.

Hallways

It has been said that my hallway reminds people of this.

I don't see it...

I'm afraid that all of my friends are going to go off and get married and I'm going to be the only one that is not married.
And this scares me not because I'm afraid of being single, I don't care much about that.
The real reason is because I'm afraid that they are not going to have the time to really be a close friend. That they are going to be spending so much time/energy on work/school/sig other that I'm going to fall down in the priorities.
Yes, I'm being selfish, narcissistic, and overtly sensitive about this. But why not. If it helps me get it off my chest and out of my system, that's a good thing.