how the hell am i supposed to do this
it's frustrating, difficult, and not fun
it's anti-fun in fact
un fun
boo.
i kind of wish that i knew what i was
signing up for in this
but nope
i didn't get to know
until it was too late.
perhaps that's a good thing
because im not sure that i would have
made the choices ive mad
if i knew how long it would be
until i reach that closeness
that level of interest
intimacy
love

one day ill know
if it is worth it
im pretty sure it will be
but honestly
how can i know?
how can anyone know?

though people really do act
like they know
how can they?
they don't know a damn thing
they just say they know
because it makes it easier.
that way their living in their fantasy world
where things are perfect.
but thats not how it works
things are not perfect
they are fucked up
broken
sad
insecure
and real

im glad that i do my best
to live in a world
where left is actually left
and right is actually right
up is up
and down is down

people and their illusions of grandeur
where they have what they want
things like they want
people how they want them
children living how they want them to live
but its not real
its a fantasy.