I'm an idiot.

Why, oh why did I put myself in this situation?

I don't even know what to say, what to do, how to act. I'm just going with the flow, pretending I'm alright. Like I'm not attached.

But that's not true. How could it be true?

I'm not a robot (HT Marina and the Diamonds)

I'm just a man. I have "feelings" aka emotions aka stupid pointless left over animal instincts.

Fuck me. I'm so stupid.

Apparently on a bad day it only takes 3 negative events to ruin my months of work.

Trying desperately to be "okay" 

To be a normal human being that enjoys life.

But no, I'm just a miserable, depressed person. Trying my best to put on a smile and see if that makes everything better.

I'll probably snap out of this tomorrow and feel much better about my life.

But for now it really sucks. Must gather the energy to let myself be okay.

Moral of the story:

Don't fall in love.

Scratch that, fall in love. Just know that at some point you are going to be hurting more than you can imagine.

I'm a fucking idiot. And I don't even know why I'm posting this right now. 

For sympathy? So someone will be concerned and call me?

Why is it I'm so self-centered? Perhaps one day I'll know.