Thickness

As my hands grow thicker, so does my skin. The figurative type, not the literal one. Those that skin is growing thicker too.
What I mean isn't that I've gotten tougher, not quite. I'd say I've gotten less tough, though more able to withstand pain, solitude, loneliness, and a variety of other self inflicted ailments.
Even though I can stand it, it hurts more, has become slowly more real. Like I've awoken from a dream in which I was dying, on waking I cherish all that is life. The pain, the sorrow, the joy, the happiness, that look in a girl's eye, the smile of a friend, the hateful look of an ex.
Everything has increased in vastness, not to the point of overwhelming force, not yet. This perhaps is my biggest fear, a finite magnitude of emotions, becoming an infinite flood of delusion, ever nearing the breaking point.
People say I have a voice, one that needs expression, I've come to find that true. Every year, every day it becomes truer. Written word as my voice, perhaps? Music as my voice, perhaps? Leadership as my voice, quite possible.
I feel called to do great things, not for myself, but for others. Because I'm selfish and love seeing others do great things, helping others achieve great things. So in my selfishness I can do good, at least that's something.

Self expression is something I suck at, I've noticed I put on this false voice at times. When I write I don't write like I speak. Which is good I suppose as others often have trouble hearing me. As I get older I notice this more and more, my mumbling getting worse. It's so odd, I have this voice, I want to be heard! Yet I don't speak up, I don't lead, I follow. I quietly observe and analyze.
Perhaps it's as simple as I'm losing my hearing, boy that would be a trip, these sign classes being a prediction for something I internally knew would happen... Though that's unlikely, not likely at all.

Emotion, expression, love, hate, what are the differences in these things?
What makes a man love a woman, or another man, or multiple people? What is the catalyst for these reactions? Social class? Group theory? God(s)? Nature? Genetics?
"We have good chemistry" I've heard that one before, part of me wishes it wasn't that simple. Yet in simplicity there is beauty...