me being me

Sometimes I hate myself. Sometimes I don't.
Why can't I just continue to love myself.
It's stupid how frivolous I can be
With money, sex, love,
And all other kinds of bullshit.
Will I ever be whole,
Fulfilled,
Happy.
Happy, what is that,
Really?
Are people ever happy,
Or is that fake, false,
Lies, and deceit.
Will I ever know?