Will I every love anyone as much as I seem to love myself? Or am I cursed to always be the narcissist I am? Perhaps not? God damn I hope not. Zeus, Hara, anyone that's listening, please God or Gods give me a little piece of humanity. Of caring and loving others. Curse my nature. It's not 'evil' but it makes me sad, often. I want to care and love everyone, but the more I try the more I fail. Perhaps I'm just broken.
Rejected by Divine Favour? Or maybe this is just how I am. Is this something I should just accept? Something I should flee from? Or is there a point?
I've seen a lot of rather scary patterns in my life, women and how I treat them, friends and how I loose them, jobs and how I hate them. What can I do? Is this something I can change? Or am I doomed to believe, what someone once said, 'I am what I am.'
Though the more I think of it the more I can't handle that. No!! I'd rather be miserable and try to force changes upon myself than give leave to such evil in myself. I refuse. I want to do great and just things. I wnat to be good. I want to lead people, to help people learn, to change the evils in the world. I can't deal with this world. And I'm 'strong' and 'sane' by the words of friends who's opinions I hold dear. So I must keep going. I have to. I must.
I will not be this man in a month, I'll be better. And in two I'll be better than I am in one. That's my only true, real, honest goal in life. To become, as time continues, a better and better person. God give me strength.
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